Frida Kahlo at the art museum

I had been looking forward to the Frida show, saving up my money to go... swearing I wouldn't go until I finished reading her diary. But on a whim, I went with a co-worker last friday night.

I love going to the museum at night. Wine, Jazz, and Art... I can't think of a more perfect combination.

It's funny cause I don't want to love Frida Kahlo's work, the whole Fridamania thing turns me off- I mean, if the general public loves her so much, I must be more refined than that! ;) However, I find her symbolism so romantic. And being the bleeding heart that I am, this appeals to me. Everything she painted was about love: Love of art, love of life, love of a man (Diego) and love of her country. I use similar icons in my own work but didn't realize how similar until I saw the show.


In this self portrait to the right, I love the way
she is looking at the viewer. I have no idea
what the monkey symbolizes and I only imagine
that the black cat is bad luck hovering over her.
What I love the most is the humming bird- it
is said that Hummingbirds bring love. Some
believe the Hummingbird is a messenger. If he
appears during a time of great sorrow or pain,
healing will soon follow. He also symbolizes the
fragility of nature and all living things. I have
always been attracted to humming birds, and
birds in general, wanting to use them in my
work, below are some images of my mourning doves.

















There are some romantic reasons why I chose the mourning dove, but I also like the duality of the name. Most of my art right now is about duality- the light and dark of things.

I see a lot of duality in Frida's work as well. I noticed in many of the paintings at the museum, both a sun and a moon in the backgrounds. There is also a piece where the hands of earth are both black and white. The painting below is one of my favorites.

I look at the two personas of frida and what stands out first are the hearts. I wonder why, on the left, she shows the inside of the chest and the inside of the heart, while on the right the heart is whole and shown on the outside. I have been using the heart as a symbol in my own artwork, drawing it as frida has, more anatomically than symbolically. What appeals to me about doing it this way is the loving, happy connotations to the red heart contrasted with the sort of macabre feelings of death and violence that the fleshy heart organ have. For me, this ties into the duality idea. Everything has a dark and light side- deep love can be so joyful as well as excruciatingly painful. This is something I am dealing with through my artwork, the realization in my twenties that there is no perfect love affair. An idealized relationship where both parties are desperately in love without fear, their entire lives, does not exist. Life is wrought with complexities. There will be dark and light times always. And people change and grow. And I wonder what this means for marriage- for commitment...and me.

Below is an example of a light button I started recently.
















What always happens to me when I enjoy shows, is I get depressed. I get the feeling that everything has already been done, and better than I am capable of doing. And I'm disappointed that I am so influenced by frida. It feels like I'm just copying her :(. But I can't abandon my ideas now, I have to see all the projects that I have started through. So all I can do is keep working at it. And go through the process.

This week's art

So I finished my first painting in oil. I painted with oils in college but never finished any paintings.... this one is going into the Fleischer Student Show this friday, not because I think it is great, but because there are cash prizes.

I have been working on a drawing too for the same show and I think there is a reoccurring problem with both- they are over worked. I am trying so hard to make them 3-dimensional and accurate, that they have lost the original personal sensitivity that came through me when I first looked at the models. For example, look at the picture I took of this same painting before I finished it:


I almost like this original better. I don't know. I have a lot to learn. I guess it is part of the process- working it and working it- even if the end result is uninspiring.

I will post my other painting for the show when it is finished tomorrow, and the drawing as well.

But if anyone is interested in seeing other art work i haven't finished over the years- my art scuttlebutt page has a gallery.

I need time. (and money)

I think that someone should pay me to be an artist.

I don't want to be sitting here, researching old paintings. I want to have time and money to make new art. 40 hours a week is too much time to give up, especially when I am still broke at the end of the week, and there is so much art to make!

I need time to research grants and residencies.
I need time to study, read about artists and their projects.
Time to learn about mold making and resin casting.
I need time to develop my own community art program in west philly.
I need time to draw and paint the figure.

THEN
I need time to make my light boxes- and figure out exactly what they are about
Time to finish my "struggle" print, hand color it, and make a collage out of it.
Time to finish the commissioned painting for my mom
I need time to finish the prints with dogs, about poverty and violence and desperation and fear.

and sometimes
I just want to knit myself a hat, or a pair of gloves, on the couch with my dog.

I need time.